I always think the worst.

I always think the worst.

No matter what is it, if someone’s mad or frustrated or anything other than happy with me I think they’re never going to talk to me again.

If I have a sore throat or a headache or any type of sick symptom I think I’m dying.

Even with something like a test, I always think I failed no matter how well I knew the material.

But recently I’ve been thinking to myself, it could be worse. I need to stop thinking the worst of everything and getting so scared for the wrong reasons.

I’m living a great life, I have great friends at home, an amazing boyfriend that always puts up with me when I’m thinking the worst of a situation, I’m doing well in college, I’m making new friends and dealing with things on my own and becoming independent, and I have a family that supports me.

It’s selfish of  me to think that my life is bad just because I’m feeling sick for a few days, or because I did poorly on a test. It could be worse.

I’ve become very thankful for the life I have and everyone who is a part of it. I need to express this thankfulness more often than I do because the people in my life deserve to know that they are a big part of who I am today, as cliche as that sounds.

I guess I just need to be more positive about life instead of always thinking of the worst possible situation as the first outcome.

It’s foggy outside.

For a while now, I’ve been realizing that I have a hard time opening up to people, even people I have known for a long time, like my family, or people who I am extremely close to like my best friends and boyfriend.

I grew up without that one person to talk to because my family was never that type of family that would just sit and talk about their feelings, we were and still are the type of family that keeps everything to themselves and doesn’t really reach out to one another for help when it comes to anything about feelings. I think that’s why it has been so difficult for me now to open up to certain people and talk about what I’m actually feeling.

When being asked if everything is okay, it’s so easy for me to just say nothing or act like nothing is wrong  because that’s what I’ve been used to my whole life. I’m still not used to the fact that there are people out there that actually care about me and what I’m feeling, and want to help.

I have wonderful people  that I really should talk to and open up to more often instead of just pushing everything aside and trying to deal with it all myself. Arad has been such a great help in trying to get me to open up and talk about my feelings, and I feel awful for being so closed for the longest time. I finally now realize that he’s really trying to help and wants to hear what I have to say. And Aurora  helped me to realize that there really are true friends out there that don’t care how much you tell them or how gross or weird it is, they just want to help. I’ve even been reaching out to my  own sisters and it feels good to finally get a response from them.

Living in the dorms this year has started to put me back into my shell, because it’s hard to open up to a whole hall of people, and I don’t want to be that girl that is always talking about her feelings or being sad. I’m still settling in mentally and getting used to the fact that I have people who I can talk to, it’s all new to me and to be honest, I shouldn’t even be complaining about now finding people to talk to, because I got really lucky finding people that truly care about me, and I am forever thankful for them.

Hello Blog!

So I don’t really know what I’m doing with this quite yet. I know a few people with a blog and I thought it would be a good idea to try it out just to try and figure out what I’m thinking everyday, or week.

This is just a way for me to write about what’s on my mind so I can pinpoint certain things that make me happy or sad. I may come off as mean or rude and ignorant at times, but I certainly don’t intend to hurt or make fun of anyone at any time, but everyone makes mistakes.

This may be a once a day, week or month thing, I don’t know yet. But whatever it is, thanks for reading. 🙂