It’s foggy outside.

For a while now, I’ve been realizing that I have a hard time opening up to people, even people I have known for a long time, like my family, or people who I am extremely close to like my best friends and boyfriend.

I grew up without that one person to talk to because my family was never that type of family that would just sit and talk about their feelings, we were and still are the type of family that keeps everything to themselves and doesn’t really reach out to one another for help when it comes to anything about feelings. I think that’s why it has been so difficult for me now to open up to certain people and talk about what I’m actually feeling.

When being asked if everything is okay, it’s so easy for me to just say nothing or act like nothing is wrong  because that’s what I’ve been used to my whole life. I’m still not used to the fact that there are people out there that actually care about me and what I’m feeling, and want to help.

I have wonderful people  that I really should talk to and open up to more often instead of just pushing everything aside and trying to deal with it all myself. Arad has been such a great help in trying to get me to open up and talk about my feelings, and I feel awful for being so closed for the longest time. I finally now realize that he’s really trying to help and wants to hear what I have to say. And Aurora  helped me to realize that there really are true friends out there that don’t care how much you tell them or how gross or weird it is, they just want to help. I’ve even been reaching out to my  own sisters and it feels good to finally get a response from them.

Living in the dorms this year has started to put me back into my shell, because it’s hard to open up to a whole hall of people, and I don’t want to be that girl that is always talking about her feelings or being sad. I’m still settling in mentally and getting used to the fact that I have people who I can talk to, it’s all new to me and to be honest, I shouldn’t even be complaining about now finding people to talk to, because I got really lucky finding people that truly care about me, and I am forever thankful for them.

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