It’s sunny outside.

It’s sunny outside, something that doesn’t happen usually during the winter in Eugene, and what am I doing? I’m sitting in front of my computer all day attempting to do homework that means nothing to me.

I want to get out, I want to explore the world, I want to be with the ones I love, and not stuck here not knowing what I’m doing with my life everyday. I want to get out.

I find myself thinking everyday, what am I doing here? How is this taking me anywhere I want to go, and am I happy here?

I honestly don’t know the answers to any of those questions and it scares me to think that.

Of course I’m here to get an education, but for what? To better my life? There are tons of people out there who are happy with their lives and don’t have the highest education. Is education really what brings happiness in the future?

I’d be content knowing that because of the years of education I’m going through, I’ll be happy, respected, safe and loved by someone, because that’s what I’d be completely happy with in my future.  But in no means does an education give that to you.

I’m frustrated by the push by society to get a better education because it will “make your life better and happier” It may make it easier to find a certain job you’re looking for or to meet tons of new people, but to me, almost no part of it makes me happier. I love learning about new things, on my own however. Whenever I sit in a class room I feel like I’m being forced to swallow knowledge that will be no help to me in the future and that will not benefit me in any way. I’d much rather go out on my own,  travel the world and hear what others have to say. To me, knowledge of other cultures around the world is the best knowledge you could have. It teaches you what others have to say and what they think, and it opens your mind to the world and different possibilities.

Everyone always says you’ll find out who you really are and what you’re interested in when you get to college, because of the wide variety of classes available, but now, almost halfway through my freshman year, I’m still taking classes where I just feel like a fish being fed too much food that’s not needed to live. I feel stuck.

Lately, I’ve been asked by many people if I’m happy here. When I respond with yes, I often feel like I’m lying. For the most part, I do think I’m happy here. I love the weather, the nature is amazing, the people are nice and so far my classes haven’t been awful. I just feel like I’m missing such a huge piece of something, and I can’t figure out what it is. I know I miss my life at home, my amazing friends and boyfriend that make me so happy and comfortable, but I can’t help but feeling like I’m still missing a huge part of what can make me happy here. I still feel like a lost puppy dog searching for what makes me happy and comfortable.

But on a happier note, Arad is coming to visit in less than two weeks! 13 days. 🙂
I’m beyond excited! I’m so excited to show him around campus, have him try all the delicious food, and just to be with him again. I can’t wait to see him and feel his arms around me again, I miss it so much. He’s one of the only people that has been able to make me truly happy and I can’t put it into words how excited I am to feel that way again.


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